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ClimateBites - Climate Soundbites

Type: humor

"Satan called. He wants his weather back."

BiteSign photographed on in the middle of Main Street, in Bison, Kansas on July 23, 2011 during the record-breaking drought.
I have a theory that bigfoot exists!

BiteOh really, what is your evidence? Many people are confused about the definition of the word 'theory,' especially with climate change.
Models are unreliable?  You mean late for photo shoots?

BiteModels are unreliable. I agree -- they are often late for photo shoots, and sometimes never show up at all!
Do you argue with your plumber?

Category:Who to Believe?
BiteDo you greet your plumber with this skepticism: “Yeah, right! You’re just gonna snake that little thing down there and it’s gonna clear up the problem? Sure. And I’m supposed to believe that?”
Like like blaming a raccoon for going thru your trash

BiteBlaming Exxon "is like blaming a raccoon for going through your trash. They’re simply responding to available opportunities." Their "multi-billion dollar investment" in Arctic seabed exploration "is predicated on Exxon’s belief that the planet is warming. . . is one of the most powerful admissions...
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Bite"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt." -- Mark Twain

"Call Me Cleopatra, 'Cause I'm the Queen of Denial"
-- country-western song by Pam Tillis
Woody Allen:   Let's pray we choose wisely.

Bite“Mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly”—Woody Allen.
Scientist to write plain English?  Like asking cat to bark

Bite"It should be possible to write about science in plain English, though asking a scientist to do that is like asking a cat to bark."— Dr. Richard Somerville, Scripps Institution of Oceanography, Coordinating Lead Author of the IPCC's Fourth Assessment Report.
Galileo Gambit:  "They also laughed at Bozo the Clown."

Category:Who to Believe?
Bite"The fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."—Carl Sagan
Is the fox a "serious" protector of the henhouse?

Category:Who to Believe?
BiteCalling him [an oil lobbyist] a serious source on climate is like calling a fox a "serious" protector of the hen house.
Nice summer in Minnesota.  But I had to work both days!

BiteMinnesotans say: Last summer was nice, but I had to work both days!
2012 drought natural? Blame the car engine for a speeding ticket?

Bite"Blaming La Nina for the record drought is like blaming the car engine for the speeding ticket. See what happens when the driver steps on the gas?" - Hunter Cutting, Director of Strategic Communications at Climate Nexus
Global Warming paused since 1998?  Paws are for puppies & kittens

Bite‘People ask me: Is there a pause in global warming? My response: paws are for kittens & puppies. Global warming is still increasing.’ - Joshua Willis NASA Climate Scientist
'I hate surgery.  So I can't possibly have a tumor!

BiteImagine your radiologist pointing to a spot on your lung x-ray, which several top oncologists have agreed shows cancer.. Would you say, 'I don't believe in surgery. So that can't possibly be a tumor'?

Variation: '...so that tumor must be a hoax!"

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